Parenting Under the Stars

I’m not feeling too spunky today but here’s a video of a fun and easy dance lesson to do with the kids. I’m off to shake the cobwebs out.

Reading books to children is important even when they are infants. Even if they flap their arms around and occasionally look away and/or chew on the book, it is good to start them early. We had many cardboard books with corners chewed on them.

My parents were wonderful with us and made reading fun. My mom always had such excitement in her voice when she read and my dad the artist would draw silly pictures with words to help us identify them.

There are a couple different methods that schools use to teach kids to read but this whole language approach seems to be used more than before. People who push the whole word method maintain learning to talk and write are the same but I don’t think so.

I am more of a phonics fan since that is how we learned, taught our children and it was effective. Maybe learning the whole word seems easier initially, but for a long-term method, it’s lacking. If you learn from the start how to sound out words, your reading vocabulary can advance faster.

We were discussing our favorite books over at Mom is Teaching. I like the classic Dr.Seuss books, Robert Munsch, Bernstein Bears and Little Critters. Little Critters and Bernstein Bears always had a lesson or moral to the story while still keeping it fun for kids. One of my kids favorites was “Love you Forever” by Robert Munsch. I would sing it for them too, which was fun. My husband is a musician also, so we often mix music with learning. Certain children learn better if they can get up and move instead of sitting quietly. One of our daughters is like that.

Ron Clark, the famous rapping teacher has the idea with mixing music with learning. He makes up rap lyrics to popular songs to help children learn. Oprah is a big fan of Ron Clark and his teaching methods, as you can see on these Oprah show clips.

I love tricking my children into eating more vegetables. I also love experimenting with recipes and taste testing things, which may be apparent by my chubby cheeks.

Anyway, here’s how to make a tasty pretty striped cake with vegetables in it. I’m not making the cake from scratch this time, so use two vanilla cake mixes. Mix those both up according to the directions. (Usually add an egg, a cup of water and/or milk etc.) Then cook a small beet or half a big one until its tender, blend it up and add some of that to one third of the two completed white cake mixes. Add enough so that you will get a pretty pink color. Do the same thing with a carrot to another third of the mix. Last but not least, measure about an eighth of a cup of peas, blend them up and add them to the last third. You can use your imagination here and use what you happen to have on hand. Green beans would work and so would spinach or zucchini.

Grease a large cake pan and carefully place one layer on top of the other, trying not to mix them together too much. Bake according to directions, which will probably be about 35 to 40 minutes or until the cake bounces back when you touch it in the middle. After it cools and you cut it, you have your triple striped vegetable cake.

I like cream cheese icing but it’s not necessary. In case you like it too, here’s the recipe:

• 1 8oz. package of cream cheese

• 1 cup of icing sugar

• 1/4 cup of butter

• 1 tsp. vanilla

Cream the cheese and butter before adding the sugar and vanilla. Yum!

I was recently at a meeting, which was promoting non-violence in our neighborhood. While I agree that bullying is not something that should be tolerated, I don’t necessarily agree with how it should be handled. Calling the police when a couple six year olds are fist fighting doesn’t make sense to me, nor is it always possible for them to immediately tell an adult. Besides, neither one of these actions guarantees the bullying will stop.

I have noticed that children lacking in confidence or that other children know will not stand up for themselves are usually picked on more than others. It’s not right but it’s an observation that’s my reality, so telling me that I’m wrong in teaching my kids to defend themselves ticks me off.

Go and tell an adult is fine advice if one happens to be around. What about when there’s not an adult around? Avoiding violence altogether is the best thing to strive for, but what about that nut that wants to hit you for no reason?

I’m not suggesting that children should put themselves in danger, laugh in the face of a gun or knife, and proceed to try to duke it out. In a situation where a bully is harassing a child with words, pokes, shoves etc. its ok to be assertive and say, “I want you to stop that! Or “Leave me alone!” If you’re completely passive, it encourages bullies to victimize you some more.

We can all teach our own children how to resolve conflicts in non-violent ways and come to us or another trusted adult if they are having problems. Equally important is helping them feel good about themselves so that they will act confident and trust their instincts and judgments. Of course, modeling non-violent behavior in our own home is one of the biggest ways we can teach how to resolve conflicts peacefully. Online bullying is becoming a big problem as well so we’ll deal with that some more another day.

Here’s a catchy anti-bullying video called “Bullies are a pain in the brain” courtesy of Trevor from The Trevor Romain Company (Promoting social and emotional fitness for kids)

If one more person asks me if I have all my holiday shopping done… I suppose I had better get on it soon because the kids keep adding more outrageous things to the list the more time that goes by.

Have you been out there lately? People are acting like the world is ending out there shopping. If you don’t keep alert you may be trampled. Perhaps it gets to me more because I don’t get out much, but still glad to be home.

Grocery day is crazy too since we try to shop a month at a time. We have had the funniest comments. “Let me guess….a group home?” or “You must have a REALLY big family.” We load up the freezer good, because I find it such a pain running to the store for bread constantly and like to stock up when there are sales.

I’m making a lot of my presents this year but my children don’t get the sentimental value of most of the stuff I’m capable of making. Last year my son wanted a set of drums and this year he wants a guitar. That would be nice if he learned how to play the guitar. My dad was in a band and played guitar and I have many good memories of that when I was little. He would always make up crazy songs and make us laugh too. I like doing that with the kids too but sometimes they don’t get my humor.

My daughter wants a Karaoke machine so I can look forward to many noisy jam sessions I’m sure. It really does sound like a bit of fun because I enjoy singing too.

Besides the pressure of getting presents that I think people will like with the budget I have, I enjoy the holidays. Our family gets together and sings carols at moms. We also rent a hall, have some laughs and Christmas dinner. We used to do that in each others homes, but our family has grown so much that it gets too crowded now and it’s a lot of work for whoever is hosting.

Tomorrow we’re off to a birthday party so for now I’m hunkering down to get my second wind.

According to this interesting”Snooze or Lose” article by Po Bronson in New York Magazine, 9:30pm is a reasonable bed time for a ten year old. What do you think? It seems too late to me. My 11 year old kids usually go to bed by 9:00pm and if it’s any later they are basket cases. They still need at least 10 hours sleep so if they were getting up any earlier than 7:00am, they would have to go to bed earlier.

I do agree that children are over scheduled and that contributes to them not getting enough sleep. Either their activities keep them out too late or they have a hard time winding down because of all the running around.

According to a study conducted by Dr. Avi Sadeh of Tel Aviv University, a loss of one hour of sleep is equivalent to losing two years of cognitive maturation and development. Two years!? Other problems that are contributed to lack of sleep include headaches and obesity. I can see the headaches being a problem because it has happened to me enough times that it’s an obvious connection. Stress is also a contributing factor.

Some of these kids have to start school between 7 and 8:00am which does seem a little early especially if they are going to bed past 9:00pm. I investigated to see how much sleep children should get at different ages. Here’s the break down according to WebMD (How much sleep do children need?)

• 1-3 year olds need an average of 12 to 14 hours.

• 3-6 year olds need an average of 10 and three quarters to 12 hours.

• 7-12 year olds need an average of 10-11 hours.

• 12-18 year olds need 8 and a quarter to 9 and a half hours.

How much sleep do your kids get by with? I try to talk sense to my daughter because she has a tendency to wander around after bedtime and is in denial about being tired. We’re back to having quiet time at 8:30 so that they can ease into bedtime with quiet reading and will be ready to sleep by 9:00.

Teaching kids manners is important for their future success in their career and social life. Simple things like using people’s names, using eye contact and saying please and thank you are examples of behaviors that children need to be taught. Good manners are something all successful leaders have in common according to Michael Grose. It’s common sense stuff but kids need to be reminded many times before it sticks and then they will eventually model the behavior automatically.

Michael is a leading parenting expert in Australia. He has several videos out there but today I thought I would share this one on manners. The most important aspect in my opinion is to model good manners for children. As we all know they copy what you do more than what you say.

I slept in today and probably didn’t model the greatest example this morning since I was sort of cranky, but tomorrow is another day.

Enjoy this clip on manners from Michael Grose:

I have had neighbors ask me for the recipe because kids seem to love samosas. They’re cheap, not too messy and they can eat them on the run. Sometimes I stick weird things in them depending on what I have on hand.

Generally, all you need is potatoes, onions, oil, peas and spices for the filling and the pastry is just flour, oil, baking powder and salt. They’re fine without peas too but it’s a fun way to sneak veggies in.

I roll them out until they’re about four inch circles and then cut them in half. Sometimes if I’m in a hurry and I want a big nighttime snack I’ll just make a huge one to save on rolling. Then you wet the edges of the half circles and fold them together until they’re sealed into a cone shape.

If you like spices, don’t be shy about adding more cayenne. I like it with kick too but nobody else around here does.

Pastry:

• 2 cups all purpose flour

• 5 tablespoons of vegetable oil

• 1 tsp. Salt

• water (enough to make it thick but pliable)

• ½ tsp baking powder

Knead for three or four minutes. Leave this sit covered for a few minutes before rolling out.

Filling:

• pinch of cayenne

• 1 tsp garam masala (use more or less if desired)

• 2 tsp lemon juice

• ½ tsp ginger powder

• 5 or 6 cooked and chopped large potatoes

• I small minced onion

• ¼ cup green peas

• 1 to 2 tsp. salt

• ¼ cup oil

I make a ton of filling ahead of time, keep it in the fridge and fry them for a couple days. They only take a few minutes and they turn a light brown when done. You can also freeze them after they’re cooked but they won’t be as crispy when you nuke them.

My youngest daughter makes sure we know she is not a “girly girl” whatever that means. I do know it means she doesn’t want to drape herself in jewelry, which I think is great, but it also means she now hates the color pink. Bad news for the bedroom because it’s a beautiful bright shade of pink. Of course, she wants it changed but my sister worked very hard on it. I thought perhaps a compromise such as putting up a border or some different colored stripes. She didn’t seem pleased with the idea so maybe I will leave it for now and see if she changes her mind again in a few weeks.

I understand rebelling against girly things. Who wants to wear delicate dresses when there are trees to climb and bikes to ride? It rather cramps your style. There’s a lot of pressure from the media though to always look “just so”, have the latest fashions, and wear diamond jewelry and so on. I had a very pretty engagement ring but just am not the type to wear a lot of jewelry and so went about my business as usual. Eventually I somehow lost the diamond. One day I noticed there was a big gaping hole where my diamond used to be.

I guess what I’m getting at is I don’t get the pride in the bling stuff. Advertisers really try to convince girls they’re somehow better if draped in diamonds or go to some expensive boutique to shop or get a weekly pedicure, have a certain brand of purse etc. I think the media does a lot of harm in trying to train girls to be materialistic (diamonds are a girls best friend and all that) but it disturbs me further when younger children are targeted.

Here’s some girls who are giving “the flip”to the girl market industry which is in crisis with their outdated clichés and shallow representations. They’re called 3iying girls. Here’s a video clip showing them flipping various advertisers.

You know your kids are growing up when they don’t appear to see you. It’s Friday and they all had big plans with their friends. That on its own doesn’t bother me because I’m pleased they’re having a bit of fun and giving me some time alone. It’s the strange bug eyed look that they have when reminded they must do something before going out. As if they have been locked up for years. Stopping to eat seems to be a challenge when friends are waiting in the wings. I remember being like this. Do you? I guess I must have been afraid I was going to miss something.

Other signs your children are growing up:

• They can tell time so you can no longer pretend it’s bed time a half hour earlier.

• They don’t want you to hug them in public or call them cutie or anything with a y on the end.

• They actually notice if their clothes are dirty and/or torn and will bathe without prompting.

My kids have been inquiring about getting cell phones. What’s up with that? Do any of your kids have cell phones? I was surprised at how many younger children do.

Tweens are actually growing up a lot faster than they used to and the media doesn’t help this. It just seems they’re into fashion a lot younger and most of that fashion is not even age appropriate. There’s a lot of controversy over those Bratz dolls too especially since they started selling the baby ones in mini skirts and make-up. What do you think? It seems somewhat scary to me.

Verizon and the Inner-City Scholarship Fund (ICSF) teamed up to sponsor the Be Wise: Don’t Trust Who You Don’t Know. Surf the Net Safely forum, held at the Apollo Theater in Harlem yesterday.

“It’s all of our responsibility to keep the Internet a safe place for our children,” said Monica Azare, Verizon senior vice president for New York and Connecticut. “The first step in that process is to bring awareness of the hazards of the Web to youngsters, their parents and teachers. And we need to quickly follow that with ways of preventing abuses, stopping the online bullying, and outing the predators.”

More than 500 people attended to talk about online precautions including the New York Police Department, United States Department of Justice and New York City Council Member Gale Brewer.

• What precautions do you use? We had a bit of a hassle with our eldest but have since made a rule that nobody chats online anymore. It’s important for kids to know some people are not who they say they are, but the more that we can protect them the better.

Susan George, executive director for the ICSF, said, “ICSF is very pleased to work with Verizon to provide this opportunity to the students of the Archdiocese of New York. As we’ve all seen, the Internet is a rich teaching and learning tool. This forum aims to provide greater awareness concerning how to safely maximize those benefits.” (NEW YORK, Nov. 14 /PRNewswire)

Verizon has several good articles, downloads and tools that you can access to have fun and keep your family safe.

The main difference between generic and brand name baby formulas is the price. Maybe the label might look fancier on the brand name too. Breast milk is advised to be the best for baby but formula is perfectly acceptable as well. You can save quite a bit of money opting for a store brand rather than a big brand name. I just thought I would give you the heads up since the nutritional quality is the same in both.

“As with most consumer products, brand-name infant formulas cost more than generic [store] brands. But that doesn’t mean that brand-name formulas are better,” report Mayo Clinic staff. “All infant formulas sold in the United States must meet the nutrient standards set by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Although manufacturers may vary somewhat in their formula recipes, the FDA requires that all formulas contain the same nutrient density.”

The main types of formula are cow’s milk, soy based and protein hydolysate. Soy and hydolysate are usually used when there are problems with allergies to cow’s milk.

Our twins were lactose intolerant when they were babies so the doctor advised us to put them on soy formula. I did breastfeed for a few months but got a bad infection and the doctor told me to stop to take the antibiotics. I later found out I did not have to stop nursing so was a little ticked about that.

Visit “Infant Formula: The Next Best Thing to Breast Feeding” to learn more about formula from the Mayo Clinic.

KindaYoga teaches children yoga in a fun way! They teach proper breathing methods and stretches which improves coordination and increases strength. I’m going to need more practice before I become less wobbly. Included here is KindaYoga Part 1 and 2. Enjoy.

Ok, it’s not that bad but things are really piling up here and I’m beginning to snap. There’s something about these pile-ups that are getting to me. It’s crowded enough here so when kids keep tossing stuff on tables, desks and wall units I start to feel like things are closing in on me.

To be honest my desk is not too clear either so that’s not helping matters. I’m a big fan of baskets and they work for a while but eventually you need to go through them to find stuff that you tossed in there last week that you were supposed to go through but forgot. Clear baskets would be good because then I could at least see inside of them but labels wouldn’t hurt either.

Anyway, starting tomorrow I’m becoming more organized and sergeant like. When the children come in the door, I will be right there and making sure they actually put their shoes in the proper place and they will be shaking those little rocks out of their shoes outside.

If I notice one speck of peanut butter in my jam, I will be on them and they will search this whole house from top to bottom to find those mysterious ten pairs of socks that I swear I just bought. My mother always bought us multi-colored socks and that was sort of fun but it was also a hassle. We had this one drawer with socks every color of the rainbow but none matched. I mostly buy white socks because I’m not as brave. There are six of us here and I figure someone can always find a white pair of socks to squeeze into.

I really do want to deal with this pile up problem. Even though our house isn’t huge, I don’t think that a bigger house would solve it. I’m putting up some more shelves and getting some clear baskets to start with but I’m also going to get back into enforcing chore charts. I will let you know how it goes.

With the holidays coming up commercials are kicking into high gear with a massive assault on our children. It ticks me off how advertisers start aggressively targeting children at young ages. It’s up to us to do our best to protect them because children don’t have the same capacity to make choices that we do. They are more vulnerable to manipulation tactics from not only their peers but also marketers.

Children don’t need a constant flurry of planned structured expensive activities. Simple things like cooking, nature hikes, board games, cards, reading, music and dancing can be done at home or outside and these things create wonderful memories for kids. I will always treasure memories I have of my Grandma. She was always there to teach us how to play games, bake cookies, listen to new music, have outdoor picnics, help us with our homework etc. I can’t remember what she usually gave us for Christmas but I do remember the time spent together and that is what meant the most. My fondest memories of our family’s time together include going for walks and ice cream, singing carols, cooking, and sharing meals together.

At the Center of a New American Dream they conducted an essay and art contest for young people titled “What I really want that money can’t buy.” Erika C. won the winning essay and this is part of what she had to say. “Things are great, but what I really want is their time. What my friends really want is their parents’ time. Maybe go for a walk, and talk. Maybe a bike ride and a lecture talk about money. If you just do stuff together and smile, I will know you love me.” See the New American Dream’s contest page for more.

The New American Dream has a booklet on how to raise healthy children in a commercial culture you might be interested in. “Tips for Parenting in a Commercial Culture”