Parenting Under the Stars

We went from four people living here to seven in the last year and to say it’s been a bit of an adjustment is an understatement. We’re all close but our kitchen is not that big and we’re always bumping into each other.

Also everyone has their own peculiar habits that get on each others nerves. My eldest daughter continues to leave the cupboard doors open for example. It seems a minor thing but it drives me crazy especially when I bang my head on it.

Also although she is quite helpful, she puts things in strange spots so I have no clue where some of my spices went or where the last three pairs of scissors I purchased are.

I now understand my mom’s frustration with towels when we were kids as well. She was much more patient than I am with it. There’s no way you need one towel for the floor, one for your body and one for your head but I do recall being one of the brats that thought so. Now it’s haunting me with my own kids.

We had pizza today so I didn’t need my spices anyway but I need a system. I found this wonderful DIY spice rack on Vaughnaustin’s blog. They put it on their pantry door and although I don’t have a big pantry I could convert part of my hall closet since it’s close to the kitchen.

• The reason we had pizza is because I was gone so didn’t have time to cook. We went and filed our taxes which was a bit of a nightmare because my husband was on the run for awhile, we were separated and the government didn’t seem to believe me since he didn’t file and I did.

Hopefully now that he’s filed they will see I wasn’t hiding some huge secret income. Today was the last day to do our taxes so glad that it’s over with.

Everyone has been staying up much too late and keeping me awake so tonight I’m telling them all to take off to their rooms so I can get a good rest.

1. You will rarely get to sleep in again. I don’t know why but this was somewhat shocking to me. I will never forget when we were expecting company and our twins were only a few weeks old. My husband and I freshened up and straightened out the house only to be informed we looked like crap.

2. Most of those people who offer to baby-sit or help “anytime” disappear once your child is born. I also still have a couple friends that I know it would not be a good idea to bring my kids along when I visit them.

3. Any personal hygiene items, toys or condoms will be discovered by kids and displayed to family and friends if you don’t hide them good enough.

4. Most of those cheap diapers are useless because they burst apart and/or everything comes flying out the sides.

5. White clothes are a waste of time because they get dirty immediately if you let your child move. You will need to either get used to running and scrubbing constantly or living with stains.

6. You get used to your children following you everywhere, including the bathroom. Then they become teenagers and don’t want to be seen with you.

7. Your meals and coffee will be lukewarm if you’re lucky. You learn to eat fast and it’s a hard habit to break even when it’s not necessary.

8. Children like taking off with your shoes especially if you’re in a hurry and need to go somewhere important.

9. No matter how much your child claims he will feed or walk the dog, you’re the one who will do it much of the time.

10. It’s impossible to keep up with food children like and once you stock up on something, they won’t like it anymore.

Most kids love to create gifts for mom and here are a few ideas I wanted to share with you.

Family Fun’s colorful apron craft with paint-dipped hand prints would be fun or try them on towels or potholders.

If your children can write their own name with a fabric pen, get them to do that but otherwise do it for them.

Either way it makes a pretty and practical keepsake. If you have a few children participating, the apron or towel would hold more hand prints.

Personalized mugs are always a hit and I posted previously about a set I bought and had fun with our family creating Xmas gifts. We made one for my husband, my mother and I made one for myself.

Picture Frame & Holder Project Ideas

I love receiving picture frames especially when they have pictures of my kids in them.

Children can decorate frames with buttons, feathers, shells, paint, sparkles or glue fabric around a cardboard frame with a couple flowers or fake jewels for décor. I sometimes see little paper mache frames at the dollar store that would be perfect to decorate.

A unique way to display pictures is in a mouse pad. You can find them with a 4 x 6 opening and insert a favorite photo in there for your mother or grandmother.

I adore this cat picture holder made out of modeling clay I found at Top Ten Guides. Of course, it could be a dog, pig or anything else you think mom would get a kick out of. You could also use salt dough.

A simple salt dough recipe:

• 2 cups flour

• 1 cup salt

• 1 cup water

• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil (optional)

These kinds of things are fun projects for families to do together any time of the year so have fun creating!

We have decorated candle holders with rub on transfers and also made mosaic ones. Just make sure you glue on the jewels, rocks or tile pieces with a glue gun and then put grout around them. I didn’t the first round and a bunch fell off.

Is it baby blues or postpartum depression and what’s the difference? Baby blues are more common and strike over half of us. This is not surprising since mothers are dealing with a hormone imbalance, lack of sleep and possibly unrealistic expectations.

Most moms in magazines look fresh, happy, perky and peaceful. No wonder some of us get depressed. Not everyone bonds instantly with their baby as soon as he or she is born either which can lead to feelings of guilt and fear. Deeper feelings develop for baby once you spend some time together and get your strength back.

Go easy on yourself and reach out to other mothers who are going through the same things. Lack of sleep will make almost anyone get a little irritable so the first few weeks you’re bound to have some grumpy moments.

If you can get some help from family and/or friends during the first couple of weeks it makes a big difference. I was a basket case at times even though I had help. My mother was there often and I remember my husband feeding me while I breast-fed the twins.

Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression lasts longer and feelings of sadness, confusion and guilt can go on for months.

If you continue having trouble sleeping even when the baby is sleeping that is another possible symptom of postpartum depression. I do recall having trouble sleeping myself but don’t think I was necessarily depressed as much as I cherished the time alone and had a zillion things to do.

If you are seriously depressed, don’t be afraid to reach out for help especially if you’re having thoughts of suicide or harming your baby. There are support groups available in many areas and your doctor might also suggest medication.

Postpartum Depression Support Group Links

• Postpartum Support International (U.S. and International Listings)
  
• Postpartum Depression Groups in Canada
• Postpartum Depression Network
• Online PPD Support Group

We had gorgeous weather this weekend so of course it zoomed by. The mud has dried up so I had a brief break from mopping and spent a lot of time outside in the sun.

It’s nice seeing everyone come out of the woodwork and hear their news, although some of it I could do without.

Of course most of the kid’s spring clothes don’t fit them anymore so we’ve been sorting through them. It was much easier shopping for them when they were younger. Now I have to bring them because otherwise they won’t like anything I get.

I had an interesting conversation with a taxi driver the other day and we were discussing how so many of them look like walking advertisements because the brands are in big letters on clothes. He said they should be paying the kids something to wear them because it’s free advertising. I thought that was funny but it’s true.

Brand Name Free?

Neil Boorman says, “I suffered from a condition known as obsessive branding disorder - a combination of compulsive shopping and a reliance on status symbol brands for the maintenance of one’s self esteem.” To cure himself he attempted to live brand free for one year. He took extreme measures and also went without a television and DVD player because of course you can’t find one without a brand name. You can read more about it in the article on BBC News, My Brand New Life.

I agree that we are too bombarded by brand names and some of the advertisements are annoying and insulting insinuating you’re just not worthy if you’re not clothed in this or that.

There are so many different ethnic groups and cultures in our neighborhood that our kids are accustomed to seeing all different types of clothing but the pressure from the media and other children still exists. I can’t claim to have gone completely brand free as Neil did but do try to teach my children not to judge others by the clothes they wear because that’s just silly and shallow.

After going through some various strange sickness symptoms that I won’t get into I’m feeling better now. I escaped and went out with a friend to the 30th Annual Justice Dinner where Bob Rae spoke on how to be tough on crime and love the charter.

His take on being tough on crime is to work harder on prevention and doing that by starting with kids so that they’ll have a chance. If more teens were treated for mental health issues or addictions earlier, they would have a better chance. Instead, many get lost in the cracks, end up on the streets, put on waiting lists and then land in jail.

Nobody is really surprised but not enough is done to prevent it. Prevention makes much more sense than simply building more jails and waiting for more kids to mess up.

Just building more jails instead of offering help early not only sends the message to children that they’re not worth it but also puts them and the rest of society in danger. These kids need help before it’s too late. A large percentage of children who are abused also end up being abusers but you don’t hear about it until they hurt themselves or someone else.

Prevention with our own kids includes talking to them about drugs, teaching them how to manage conflicts, bullying and how to handle peer pressure. If they can’t talk to us that is when they are vulnerable to turning to someone else who might not have their best interests at heart like gangs.

Helping other children by volunteering and supporting free leisure activities, breakfast programs and community centers in our communities are other ways we can all help make a difference.

I did take some pictures but not too many of them turned out well. I blame the lighting but admit I need practice.

There’s a picture of him and I floating around somewhere but the one taken with my camera didn’t turn out. At the end of his talk, Bob sang us a tune and I left feeling hopeful for all of our children’s futures.

If you’re sick and a mom, you know the show must go on. (One of my favorite tunes.) In fact, I swear kids all of a sudden need more attention from you than they did when you felt fine. Sort of like when you’re on the phone, they go nuts. Mention you’re sick and that may trigger abandonment fears.

Even my eldest is still weird that way. If I state I would like some quiet time, there is always some minor incident turned into a major noisy catastrophe. Someone needs socks, someone lost their red crayon and another wants a dollar for something urgent.

It’s nothing major, just some strange sleepy stomachache sickness but enough to throw me off and slow me down a bit.

Even before I felt sick, I was working on delegating out more chores to the children. What do you think about 12 year olds making their own lunch? I think I did it too long and mentioned to my daughter that she was old enough to make her own.

She took it the wrong way, got her feelings hurt, and informed me every other mother on the planet makes their kid’s lunch. The next day she did manage to make it.

Tuna Casserole

Someone is going to ask me soon if I have any ideas for supper. I don’t know why but that question gets on my nerves. Today even more so because I’m still somewhat nauseous. I really should display a menu a week at a time that they can refer to on the fridge.

• Today I’m turning to tuna and the standard casserole. It’s basically macaroni and cheese with tuna and peas. This Tuna Stroganoff recipe sounds good and I like the idea of serving it on rice so might switch it up.

My daughter purchased some of these cloth diapers with plush covers by Jamtots and they’re adorable.

This is the dalmatian print cover, he also has a green one with a pea pod, and his name embroidered on to it.

I became a grandma in my thirties and it has been a lot of fun. Our twins were kind of freaked out about becoming an aunt and uncle at eight though.

We’re used to it now since she has two children but at supper time, it’s a tight squeeze around the table. I usually make too much food because it’s so hard to gage from one day to the next how much everyone will eat. They eat it all eventually as the evening progresses anyway.

Last week my mom and sister babysat for my daughter while she went to the movies and he wouldn’t settle down. They were playing some soft lullabies but they probably would have had better luck with rock or reggae.

He falls asleep at the computer with me while I play videos but he seems to prefer AC/DC and Damian Marley. When he’s awake, you have to hold him tight because he rocks back and forth hard while slapping his thigh.

Although it’s crowded here, I’m grateful to have the opportunity to bond with them. Once they move out, I will miss them but still looking forward to having a little more space. I’m sure they feel the same.

Resources for organizing small spaces

If you’re in the same boat or are looking for ideas on how to organize things in small spaces, see:

• How Do You Organize Your Small Living Space?
• Creative Homemaking
• Small Space Solutions

These maternity t-shirts from Due and Sprout answer commonly answered questions that many pregnant women get tired of being asked. I think it’s a great idea although you can only answer one question at a time with each t-shirt.

It would be perfect for pregnant celebrities as the CBS Early Show stated. Just wear the “Yes I’m pregnant” t-shirt and everyone knows and if they don’t they will soon enough once they see the picture of you wearing it.

Other pregnancy questions answered:

What are you having? You can get a shirt saying boy or girl or that you’re not finding out.

Was it an accident? Expected.

Do you have a name? No name yet.

Is this your first? First, Second.

For those compulsive belly touchers: Ask, then touch.

All the children are coming out of the woodwork around here and so are the bikes, skateboards and basketballs. Most of them are not even wearing sweaters. My kids don’t want to stop long enough to eat. I guess it’s been a long winter.

Muddy Messy Kids

With everything melting, it’s also very muddy so the mop is now near the front door ready for damage control. We’re not carpet people and I truly don’t understand how anyone keeps them clean. We have a couple mats by the door but they’re washable.

I was pleased to see Arianne keeping it real by bravely posting a pic of her home as it normally looks. I do run around like a mad woman cleaning up before someone arrives. This is part of the reason that I prefer people let me know they’re coming.

We have an extremely tidy family next door and I guess I just wasn’t on the ball fast enough for spring cleaning because one of the girls was raking our yard and consulting me on who owns what. I guess I was supposed to feel guilty because my upside down lawn chair and folded shopping cart reflected poorly on their pristine lawn.

Making the lawn chairs stand out

I swear I saw the neighbours scrubbing their plastic chairs for over an hour. Last year I painted mine all different colors. People have a habit of stealing those white plastic lawn chairs around here but this time they couldn’t do it without being caught because mine were bright yellow, green and blue.

They did get smashed up by the end of the year from our kids and their crazy picnics but they weren’t stolen. Our children love giving food away in the summer but we now have designated cheap picnic food figured out like popcorn and crackers.

This year I might make a couple of these seatbelt lawn chairs since those old aluminum ones are around and broken all over the place. They seem sturdy and easy to clean and you can fold them, stash them and still hose them down after the kids are done with them. See Wastelands of Suburbia for more on the sea belt lawn chair.

Karen Weidman has a great post on 10 Ways to Teach Your Children About Money. No matter what your situation, it’s important to learn how to manage finances. We weren’t rich but we were comfortable thanks to my parent’s hard work and my mother’s skill at budgeting.

Taking your children to the grocery store and letting them help with the list is a good learning experience. As a bonus, it’s a good way for them to learn how to behave in public. Mine learned quickly that screaming for smarties would not get them far.

It’s also a good way for them to learn menu planning. A couple times, I let my daughter choose our meals and once she picked a box of flavored chicken wings. They were yummy but they certainly didn’t feed six people. Making things from scratch is a little extra effort but you often get three times the amount of food that you would otherwise.

Stick to the budget

I am a bit of a stickler with my grocery list so if it’s not on the list, we generally don’t get it. I will budget a bit for a treat but that’s usually chosen ahead of time and included in the list. This is a good way for them to learn how to stick to the budget and see in black and white how much their treat will cost.

Work and Save

If your children are old enough, let them do small jobs and save for some of the things that they want. Shoveling snow, cutting grass, and delivering papers are all good starter jobs. I noticed that when our kids started buying some of their own things, they took much better care of their belongings. My son kept stepping on his headphones for example so instead of us continuing to replace them, he bought his own. They’re still intact.

It’s hard to balance enough love and attention for all when baby first comes home. It’s important to help ease the transition for older children and let them know you still love them.

It’s common for some kids to regress, especially if you just finished potty training or bottle feeding. Some will even vocalize their wish to be a baby again, which is understandable if the baby appears to be receiving all the attention.

It’s better to switch from crib to bed long before your baby is born so that they connect it with the fact that they’re growing up rather than they have to make room for a new baby.

Blaming Baby

Don’t blame the baby for everything even if that is what’s stopping you from going to the store or the playground. You don’t want your child looking at your baby as an obstacle.

Helping With Baby

Some children enjoy helping and it makes them feel useful and grown up but don’t overdo this since they still need their own time. A simple task like getting a diaper will get old if you’re asking them to get it every time.

Enhance the positive

Remind your son or daughter of all the things they can do that the baby can’t and reassure them how proud you are of them for growing up, learning their ABCs, feeding themselves, coloring in the lines etc.

• I have noticed that when we’re busy with another child, that’s when someone decides to draw a mural on the wall or does something weird with the cat litter.

Sometimes one is going to get more attention than the other and you can’t always have eyes in the back of your head. Ideally you will have a spouse, friend or relative to help pick up the slack for the first few weeks.

Seek Support

You might not feel like getting out but it is helpful to interact with other parents. They can give you support and ideas on how they manage. Many churches offer parent groups at least once a week and they’re often free.

• For online support, resources and advice see Parenting.Org, Keep Kids Healthy, Practical Parenting Advice, and Family Fun.com.

Obtaining time alone together can be a challenge for many parents. Late evening is not always ideal for spending quality time with each other either. You’re usually tired so it’s also not a good idea to try to resolve problems then or you’ll never sleep.

Ways for parents to get more time together

Plan a date. It’s common sense but sometimes this gets overlooked. Your children might need a ride to the movies, one has a basketball game or you get busy trying to calm a tantrum or helping with their homework.

Dates don’t happen spontaneously when you have a bunch of kids so you have to let everyone know you will be unavailable. Leaving the house usually gives them the message. If they look at you strange and ask where you’re going and why, you probably don’t do it enough. If a sitter is an issue consider seeing if a neighbor would be interested in exchanging babysitting services.

• Agree on a set “quiet time” with your kids regardless of age. This generally works out for us because if it’s any later than 10:00pm and there are still phones ringing and children running up and down the stairs I will snap. This also gives parents the chance to have their own quiet time before they’re too exhausted to enjoy it.

• Put it in your budget. It’s not always going to cost a lot of money but even a night at home becomes more special with favorite foods, drinks, movie rentals, candles, games, toys, clothes etc. When you have the stuff ready ahead of time it’s easier to make it happen. No fun planning to spend an evening playing cards only to discover you don’t own a deck.

When you make time alone together a priority, it helps you bond without your children and makes you better parents. It’s important for single parents to have time away from their children as well. They’re not always going to be around either so you might as well practice doing things without them.