Parenting Under the Stars

I just completed reading the book The Offsite: A Leadership Challenge Fable by Robert H. Thompson. Robert coaches, speaks and leads workshops on improving leadership skills. You can find out more about him on the website Leader Inside Out.

The Offsite wasn’t written specifically for parents but his five practices of exemplary leadership could be applied to improve family life as well.

Everyone has the capacity to become a successful leader and if parents apply Robert’s lessons, their children are more likely to lead effectively in the future.

The fable is fictitious but the lessons are real. Most of the characters presented would be recognizable from work or home in one way or another to people. The story was entertaining and educational at the same time and would be useful to anyone wanting to improve their leadership skills.

The five practices and how to apply them to parenting:

1. Model the way: As we all know children are more likely to copy your actions and not your words so it’s important to align the two together. If you’re telling them to eat healthy but you’re munching on potato chips or telling them to clean up their room if your own is a mess, your words do not match your actions. Nobody is consistent all the time but the more that we are, the better example our children will see and imitate.

2. Inspire a shared vision: If you can help inspire your family to want similar things for the future, they’re more likely to act as a team and make it happen. It doesn’t have to be a huge undertaking either. For example if you keep things tidy and organized, you’re less likely to lose things so save time tearing the house apart looking for the remote control for the television.

3. Challenge the process: It’s ok to do things differently sometimes and experiment by breaking tradition. Making mistakes and taking risks are all part of learning.  Most discoveries and inventions were made by people who were not content to blindly follow the pack. Being curious and questioning the status quo should not always be seen as defiance from children and parents can also still learn, grow and change.

4. Enable others to act: It might seem easier to do things yourself, especially if you think you’re better at it and it’s faster. Encouraging independence by allowing your children to practice their skills help make them feel more competent and be effective leaders in the future.

5. Encourage the heart: Praising others and encouraging their efforts is very important in both families and business. When people feel appreciated, it’s more likely that they will contribute and co-operate with a positive attitude. Yelling and criticizing might scare or intimidate children into doing what you want them to do but they’re more likely to rebel when you’re not around.

Are you all prepared for summer holidays? I’m not but we’re working on it. Our children are so excited about having school off but I know that they will be complaining after a few weeks.

I decided to start a list of summer supplies to see what I’m missing and to fight off those summer boredom blues. They will go to a couple day camps here or there but we don’t want to ship them off for the whole summer.

List of summer supplies:

Bubbles: If you’re into making your own, Ecobites.com have instructions on this make your own bubbles post. It’s no fun running out of bubbles or running back and forth to the store to purchase more.

Chalk: Some people get upset about kids drawing on the sidewalk but I love looking at all their colorful art and it’s a great creative way to pass the time. There are certainly worse things they could be doing and I still like hopscotch.

Balls: Basketballs, footballs, soccer balls, tennis balls, check. We have them all. The basketballs seem to drive the neighbors crazy but they can’t just sit around reading all the time.

Rollerblades: They will have to get new ones this year but they’re a lot of fun. I might even spring for a pair for myself.

Bicycles: Got that covered as long as they aren’t stolen. One year someone smashed up our daughter’s bike and threw it in the bin. That was strange and slightly disturbing.

Don’t forget helmets. A little boy just fell off his bike here and went to the hospital with a broken arm but he’s lucky it wasn’t his head.

Arts & Crafts Supplies: Paint, crayons, beads, glue, play dough, construction paper, scissors, string, buttons, egg cartons, milk cartons, sticks, Popsicle sticks. Some children will need supervision with some of this stuff but crafts can keep kids busy for a long time.

Skipping ropes: Invest in a sturdy one if your kids are anything like mine. They tear those cheap ones apart within a day or two.

Tent: Even when we’re not camping, our kids have fun pitching a tent in the backyard. There are a lot of kids here though so that can get overcrowded quickly once they all spot it. We need a new one this year.

Swimming Pool: We don’t have one so we keep buying them every year because they are wrecked quickly. I’m sick of the inflatable pools because they spring leaks right away and the harder ones are mostly for tiny kids. Any ideas for alternatives?

Activity Books: Word games, mazes and crossword puzzles are fun and educational. You can also find great workbooks for your child’s grade level to help them prepare for starting their new school year. Kimberly L. Keith has an impressive list of free print and learn activities for children from kindergarten to grade 6.

Freezies, sunscreen and sunglasses are a few more things I need to stock up on. Does anyone have anything to add to the list?

I use vinegar to clean and disinfect things all over the house. It makes things shinier than bleach and is safer and less harsh. If a child puts a toy in their mouth that was just cleaned with vinegar it’s not a big deal.

It doesn’t smell the greatest so lately I have been adding a spoon or two of essential oil to my spray bottle mixture.

About a third of the bottle is vinegar and the rest is water. Last time I used lavender essential oil, it smelled great and I think it worked even better.

For windows try the same mixture minus the lavender and use lemon juice instead.

We have very hard water here so there’s a lot of lime build up and vinegar helps break that down. I run a mixture of half vinegar and half water through the coffee percolator and it cleans it out and speeds it up.

Vinegar also helps cut worse smells such as urine and you don’t smell the vinegar much once the washing machine goes through the whole cycle.

If you put half of a cup through the wash with your laundry detergent, the acid helps neutralize the urine. It also works great for sweaty work clothes and stinky socks. It’s better for sensitive skin since it helps rinse out more of the soap residue. You can always add some essential oil to freshen up the scent of your laundry as well.

Homemade Laundry Detergent

I haven’t tried making my own laundry detergent yet but I have been researching it and finding recipes all over the internet. It appears that most have washing soda, borax and bars of soap.

Tip Nut has an article up called 10 Homemade Laundry Soap Detergent Recipes. If you have a recipe that works well for you, let us know. I would prefer something that doesn’t have too many ingredients because I’m trying to save money and not spend more.

My Grandma is an amazing woman and still spry for someone in her late eighties. She still runs around, attends weddings, tells jokes, gets up and dances.

When Meatloaf’s Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad comes on, she sings to it and goes nuts. With twelve kids, close to thirty grandkids and many more great grandkids, she somehow manages to remember everyone’s birthday with a card.

I love listening to all her stories and some of them are so funny I laugh so hard there are tears in my eyes. One of her stories includes how they had to hide the moonshine before the priest got there.

She says to me, “Sandy, why are we so tough?” and it always makes me smile. I just say, “I don’t know Grandma.”

Sometimes she watches the Sopranos and plays dumb so she asks me, “Sandy, is Tony a bad man?” knowing very well he is. She does that when trying to get more information about people too. Sometimes I wonder if she does it just to get us going. She will ask about someone everyone knows is usually unemployed, “Is he a hard worker?”

If someone in the family does something wrong, she will reassure us that “he didn’t mean no harm.” It wouldn’t matter the crime.

Once I asked her for her bread recipe and she couldn’t give it to me even though she used to make it every day. She just keeps adding stuff until it feels right.

She loves my husband and her perception of him is that he is a kind, gentle well-mannered man who speaks softly. This is amusing because although he is kind, he can be quite loud but at least he behaves around her.

When my Grandpa was alive sometimes he would get going, exaggerate things after a few beer, and say, “am I right or wrong?” to my Grandma. She just said, “Well, it could have happened that way.”

My dad was a lot like her and so was very tactful. When I was little he used to practice with his band in my grandparent’s basement and I have fond memories of us dancing there. I have been thinking about him quite a bit lately and I think it’s the weather because he would always be out scouting for stuff at garage sales about now. He didn’t always get himself something but he usually found everyone else a treasure.

My Grandma truly never has a bad word to say about anyone and I wish I saw her more because you can’t help but feel good when you’re around her. I tried to call her but she must be out on the town with one of her many friends.

I swear I put close to half a bag of potatoes on for supper today and there still wasn’t enough. Other times I fire a few that are left over in the fridge only for them to shrivel up the next day. I suppose it’s better to put on too much but this is getting ridiculous.

Isn’t it strange how you don’t see how much your children have grown until someone else points it out? Mine don’t seem to like the attention all that much either. You know, “Oh my, how much you have grown! I remember when you were just a tiny little thing.” I must admit I have said similar to other children.

This year has had its share of changes and I had to struggle to adjust at times. The twins used to want to go everywhere with me, and now they don’t. They also don’t want to be tucked in anymore or snuggled much. The phone is ringing more and it’s actually for them.

Two of our adult children have moved back in (19 & 20) and one of them has two kids. The fact that they all eat like horses has been the biggest adjustment. I love cooking, don’t get me wrong but not all the time.

What do you think about me getting a couple of them to take turns cooking? I know I should have insisted upon it to begin with but onwards and upwards. Does anyone else have a rotating cooking schedule and if so, how is working for you?

I make so much of my own stuff you would probably think I was a freak if I told you everything but we’ll start with one thing a week.

Once I ran out of ketchup and read the ingredients on the bottle so made my own. The kids didn’t know the difference.

Today’s theme is coffee and there are a few tasty flavors I have tried. I don’t know about you but coffee often helps me get through the day with my family especially if I’m sleepy.

Vanilla Coffee: I simply add a couple teaspoons to a full pot of coffee. I make this the most so I have a monster jar of vanilla on hand. Everyone I serve it to asks, “What kind of coffee is this?” Even my husband keeps thinking its some new blend that I bought.

Cinnamon Coffee: This is great to flavor bland coffee and I simply add a half teaspoon to the pot.

Cafe Mocha: Add five or six spoons of cocoa to the pot and add milk. Chocolate syrup works well for this too.

Mexican Coffee: This is my favorite but I don’t make it as often. Add both chocolate and cinnamon to the coffee and top with shaved chocolate and whipped cream. Yum.

Black Forest Coffee: I have not tried this yet but it sounds delicious. It’s flavored with maraschino cherries, chocolate and whipped cream. See Sean Paajanen’s Black Forest Coffee Recipe for more.

Also, check out Sean’s excellent list of coffee recipes. There are iced, hot, alcoholic and espresso coffee recipes listed.

Is that not our job as parents? I was informed that’s what I do tonight when I announced it was bedtime. Then the same sweet daughter starts wandering around looking for a paper and pen after bedtime. I swear she just enjoys seeing me snap.

If I don’t remind them of things, they get angry and ask why I didn’t remind them if they forget something. If I sleep in five minutes late and everyone else does too, it throws all our schedules right out of whack.

What obvious things do you point out? Time to shower, suppertime, dirty clothes, brush teeth, wash face, tie your laces, put a sweater on…. I’m supposed to believe they would do all these things without the input. I guess they would eventually but I’m in the habit of announcing it needs done. I told my eldest to wear a bra for at least a year before she would do it automatically so pointing out the obvious has its place.

• Sometimes pointing out the obvious is extremely rude. One of my neighbors for example called me over and asked me what was wrong. I said nothing of course because I truly don’t have any major problems.

Then she proceeds to tell me I used to look better and that I have gained weight. Well some of my pants are a little snug sure but that’s kind of normal since winter just ended. Anyway, I didn’t know how to respond and simply said that I eat more when I’m happy.

It was very odd and she was smiling the whole time she was insulting me as if it was a normal thing to do. Has this sort of thing happened to you and if not, how would you respond if it did?

Happy Mother’s day to all you mothers out there! I hope you have a wonderful one and that your family is good to you.

I went and visited my mom today since she’s working tomorrow like the bionic woman she is. She wanted some clothespins for Mother’s Day, which weren’t too hard to find. I threw in a couple soy candles I made and some gardening gloves. We also had a barbecue and watched the kids play football and leapfrog in the backyard.

Tomorrow we’re kicking back at home although I will be on a mission to get some vegetable plants. My husband tried but he couldn’t find any anywhere. I just saw tomato plants in containers for the patio yesterday and some woman at the grocery store told him they never had any.

I plan to get myself some new music as well. I have the same tunes spinning around in my head and it’s starting to drive me mad. I know what the kids got me because my older daughter told me to point a couple things out from the twins. I just picked out a coffee cup and an oil burner.

What are you doing for Mother’s Day? Does anyone have any big plans? Are you going out for dinner somewhere special or going on a trip? I have no idea if anyone planned anything tomorrow but I hope nobody asks me if I have any ideas for supper because that question drives me crazy.

Here’s a couple videos I found for you for Mother’s Day. First up, Shower the People by James Taylor.

Here’s a rap by little Bentley Green called Hey Mama. He’s singing it for his mama and all the single mamas out there.

My day started off with a jolt since my youngest daughter is now also sick and she made that announcement at an ungodly hour. She doesn’t seem like she’s in a lot of pain anyway so we’re not rushing off to the hospital. My son seems to be feeling better because he’s eating like a horse and poking at his sister.

The highlight of my day was getting a load of candle making supplies so I could make some soy candles and start my Etsy Store. I had fun doing that but what should have been an easy task became difficult when three different family members wanted to squeeze in on my space in the kitchen.

I think I need some rest because I have Queen’s Can’t Stop Me Now playing in my head but thought I would check in here with the good news that my son is bouncing back. Wish me luck because Candice’s fiancé is on the couch that I sleep on when my husband is snoring. I’ll kick him off if I have to.

My son was freaking me out with these piercing pains in his stomach so I took him to the hospital last night. We hung out for a few hours making small talk with several interesting people. A couple guys looked like they cut their hands up good and we saw two pregnant women go in and out.

A professor told us all about the water buffalo and how tough they are. It was actually quite interesting. They do have a lot of wild animals to fight off so no wonder they’re good scrappers.

One little boy was bitten on the face by a dog. He looked like he was only about a year and a half old. He kept bleeding but it wasn’t fizzing on him at all. I think he ended up needing a stitch or two but the dog just missed his eye.

We got there at 8:30pm and didn’t get home until 5:00am. I moved my chair to line up with his cot and had a bit of nap resting my head at the foot of his bed. They looked him over and tested his urine, blood and then finally sent us home when the tests came back normal. We still don’t know what the heck it is but it’s not his appendix and hopefully it will pass soon.

• I meant to give you the heads up on this contest yesterday but you know how mom’s schedules get interrupted. There’s a Super Cool Super Mom Type A One Year Anniversary Contest going on at Type A Mom. Kelby’s giving away some great stuff like flash drives, jewelry, planners and bedding.

We don’t really mind the rain as long as it’s not cold so my son and I went hiking and hit a couple stores. It’s a nice way to spend time together and talk without all the background noise or distractions in the house.

We get a kick out of watching people run in the rain as if they will melt or something. I guess if you just got your hair done and didn’t have an umbrella or something it would be upsetting.

Our last stop was the grocery store and I must have been getting tired because the intent was to grab a snack but instead I remembered we needed more cereal and coffee and left without the main thing I was there for.

I usually follow certain rules once I need more than a couple things and one of them is to make a list. The other of course is not to go hungry. Third, stick to the list. If you don’t have a list and you’re hungry and tired it won’t be a good scene.

Printable Grocery Lists

• If you want a printable list, I like the list and menu planner on Jennifer Wolf’s Single Parents Blog. It lists the headings but not the food which I like because it still helps trigger ideas and half the food on those other lists I never get.

• If you’re really into lists, My Parent Time’s Printable Checklists have tons of them. Some seem sort of useless but many look quite handy so you might find something you could use.

• If you’re using Firefox, they have an add on called Grocery List Generator. I haven’t tried it yet because I have to restart the computer to complete the installation.

I found a bizarre site that has tons of other people’s old grocery lists posted. (GroceryLists.com) Some of them gave me the giggles and a whole book has been written about them. I don’t know why but it was fun looking at people’s multi-colored and crumpled up lists. One simply said to tape Oprah and pick up a cutting board. One guy’s list included a reminder to say goodbye to his wife. So far I haven’t found one that includes the cost so I guess most people just wing it.

We went from four people living here to seven in the last year and to say it’s been a bit of an adjustment is an understatement. We’re all close but our kitchen is not that big and we’re always bumping into each other.

Also everyone has their own peculiar habits that get on each others nerves. My eldest daughter continues to leave the cupboard doors open for example. It seems a minor thing but it drives me crazy especially when I bang my head on it.

Also although she is quite helpful, she puts things in strange spots so I have no clue where some of my spices went or where the last three pairs of scissors I purchased are.

I now understand my mom’s frustration with towels when we were kids as well. She was much more patient than I am with it. There’s no way you need one towel for the floor, one for your body and one for your head but I do recall being one of the brats that thought so. Now it’s haunting me with my own kids.

We had pizza today so I didn’t need my spices anyway but I need a system. I found this wonderful DIY spice rack on Vaughnaustin’s blog. They put it on their pantry door and although I don’t have a big pantry I could convert part of my hall closet since it’s close to the kitchen.

• The reason we had pizza is because I was gone so didn’t have time to cook. We went and filed our taxes which was a bit of a nightmare because my husband was on the run for awhile, we were separated and the government didn’t seem to believe me since he didn’t file and I did.

Hopefully now that he’s filed they will see I wasn’t hiding some huge secret income. Today was the last day to do our taxes so glad that it’s over with.

Everyone has been staying up much too late and keeping me awake so tonight I’m telling them all to take off to their rooms so I can get a good rest.

1. You will rarely get to sleep in again. I don’t know why but this was somewhat shocking to me. I will never forget when we were expecting company and our twins were only a few weeks old. My husband and I freshened up and straightened out the house only to be informed we looked like crap.

2. Most of those people who offer to baby-sit or help “anytime” disappear once your child is born. I also still have a couple friends that I know it would not be a good idea to bring my kids along when I visit them.

3. Any personal hygiene items, toys or condoms will be discovered by kids and displayed to family and friends if you don’t hide them good enough.

4. Most of those cheap diapers are useless because they burst apart and/or everything comes flying out the sides.

5. White clothes are a waste of time because they get dirty immediately if you let your child move. You will need to either get used to running and scrubbing constantly or living with stains.

6. You get used to your children following you everywhere, including the bathroom. Then they become teenagers and don’t want to be seen with you.

7. Your meals and coffee will be lukewarm if you’re lucky. You learn to eat fast and it’s a hard habit to break even when it’s not necessary.

8. Children like taking off with your shoes especially if you’re in a hurry and need to go somewhere important.

9. No matter how much your child claims he will feed or walk the dog, you’re the one who will do it much of the time.

10. It’s impossible to keep up with food children like and once you stock up on something, they won’t like it anymore.

Most kids love to create gifts for mom and here are a few ideas I wanted to share with you.

Family Fun’s colorful apron craft with paint-dipped hand prints would be fun or try them on towels or potholders.

If your children can write their own name with a fabric pen, get them to do that but otherwise do it for them.

Either way it makes a pretty and practical keepsake. If you have a few children participating, the apron or towel would hold more hand prints.

Personalized mugs are always a hit and I posted previously about a set I bought and had fun with our family creating Xmas gifts. We made one for my husband, my mother and I made one for myself.

Picture Frame & Holder Project Ideas

I love receiving picture frames especially when they have pictures of my kids in them.

Children can decorate frames with buttons, feathers, shells, paint, sparkles or glue fabric around a cardboard frame with a couple flowers or fake jewels for décor. I sometimes see little paper mache frames at the dollar store that would be perfect to decorate.

A unique way to display pictures is in a mouse pad. You can find them with a 4 x 6 opening and insert a favorite photo in there for your mother or grandmother.

I adore this cat picture holder made out of modeling clay I found at Top Ten Guides. Of course, it could be a dog, pig or anything else you think mom would get a kick out of. You could also use salt dough.

A simple salt dough recipe:

• 2 cups flour

• 1 cup salt

• 1 cup water

• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil (optional)

These kinds of things are fun projects for families to do together any time of the year so have fun creating!

We have decorated candle holders with rub on transfers and also made mosaic ones. Just make sure you glue on the jewels, rocks or tile pieces with a glue gun and then put grout around them. I didn’t the first round and a bunch fell off.

Is it baby blues or postpartum depression and what’s the difference? Baby blues are more common and strike over half of us. This is not surprising since mothers are dealing with a hormone imbalance, lack of sleep and possibly unrealistic expectations.

Most moms in magazines look fresh, happy, perky and peaceful. No wonder some of us get depressed. Not everyone bonds instantly with their baby as soon as he or she is born either which can lead to feelings of guilt and fear. Deeper feelings develop for baby once you spend some time together and get your strength back.

Go easy on yourself and reach out to other mothers who are going through the same things. Lack of sleep will make almost anyone get a little irritable so the first few weeks you’re bound to have some grumpy moments.

If you can get some help from family and/or friends during the first couple of weeks it makes a big difference. I was a basket case at times even though I had help. My mother was there often and I remember my husband feeding me while I breast-fed the twins.

Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression lasts longer and feelings of sadness, confusion and guilt can go on for months.

If you continue having trouble sleeping even when the baby is sleeping that is another possible symptom of postpartum depression. I do recall having trouble sleeping myself but don’t think I was necessarily depressed as much as I cherished the time alone and had a zillion things to do.

If you are seriously depressed, don’t be afraid to reach out for help especially if you’re having thoughts of suicide or harming your baby. There are support groups available in many areas and your doctor might also suggest medication.

Postpartum Depression Support Group Links

• Postpartum Support International (U.S. and International Listings)
  
• Postpartum Depression Groups in Canada
• Postpartum Depression Network
• Online PPD Support Group