Parenting Under the Stars

Parenting twin tweens can bring it’s own set of difficult challenges and rewards. Individual friends, belongings and talents are important to reduce competition in twins.

When your children are both striving for their independence and heading towards puberty it can become more challenging. It’s important for twins to have their own individuality and separate interests and talents should be praised and encouraged.

• Often one twin will excel in one thing while the other has a weakness in that same area. This is particularly true of fraternal twins, which are from two separate eggs. I have fraternal twins and their personalities are like night and day.

If one seems to be struggling to try to catch up or compete with the other, attempt a diversion into another strength that they do have. Of course this is a sensible approach for any child and not just a twin.

For example, one child might enjoy and excel in something like soccer and baseball, while the other may be more musically inclined and creative. Even if the musically inclined twin doesn’t like sports, they may pressure themselves to try to be as good as the other. If their own talents in art or music are pointed out, praised and encouraged they’re not as likely to feel competitive or left out.

Other twin challenges:

It can be difficult with twin tweens to maintain the same rules for each child. One is sometimes more responsible, so the tendency could be to allow one more privileges or responsibilities. In some instances, this can’t be avoided and separate rules have to be given in fairness to the more responsible child.

Friendships are another challenge, especially if the twins are the same sex. If it gets too vicious then you must intervene, but generally children tend to sort friendships out themselves.

Even if they seem like enemies one day they may all be best friends the next. Parents often forget this when they get too involved with children’s squabbles. Sometimes parents are still feuding long after the children have resolved their issues.

I have witnessed this countless times with parents in our neighborhood. Holding grudges long after children have made up doesn’t make a lot of sense and it’s not showing them a good example about how to resolve conflicts.

This was adapted from an article I wrote for Suite101.

I swear I put close to half a bag of potatoes on for supper today and there still wasn’t enough. Other times I fire a few that are left over in the fridge only for them to shrivel up the next day. I suppose it’s better to put on too much but this is getting ridiculous.

Isn’t it strange how you don’t see how much your children have grown until someone else points it out? Mine don’t seem to like the attention all that much either. You know, “Oh my, how much you have grown! I remember when you were just a tiny little thing.” I must admit I have said similar to other children.

This year has had its share of changes and I had to struggle to adjust at times. The twins used to want to go everywhere with me, and now they don’t. They also don’t want to be tucked in anymore or snuggled much. The phone is ringing more and it’s actually for them.

Two of our adult children have moved back in (19 & 20) and one of them has two kids. The fact that they all eat like horses has been the biggest adjustment. I love cooking, don’t get me wrong but not all the time.

What do you think about me getting a couple of them to take turns cooking? I know I should have insisted upon it to begin with but onwards and upwards. Does anyone else have a rotating cooking schedule and if so, how is working for you?

After going through some various strange sickness symptoms that I won’t get into I’m feeling better now. I escaped and went out with a friend to the 30th Annual Justice Dinner where Bob Rae spoke on how to be tough on crime and love the charter.

His take on being tough on crime is to work harder on prevention and doing that by starting with kids so that they’ll have a chance. If more teens were treated for mental health issues or addictions earlier, they would have a better chance. Instead, many get lost in the cracks, end up on the streets, put on waiting lists and then land in jail.

Nobody is really surprised but not enough is done to prevent it. Prevention makes much more sense than simply building more jails and waiting for more kids to mess up.

Just building more jails instead of offering help early not only sends the message to children that they’re not worth it but also puts them and the rest of society in danger. These kids need help before it’s too late. A large percentage of children who are abused also end up being abusers but you don’t hear about it until they hurt themselves or someone else.

Prevention with our own kids includes talking to them about drugs, teaching them how to manage conflicts, bullying and how to handle peer pressure. If they can’t talk to us that is when they are vulnerable to turning to someone else who might not have their best interests at heart like gangs.

Helping other children by volunteering and supporting free leisure activities, breakfast programs and community centers in our communities are other ways we can all help make a difference.

I did take some pictures but not too many of them turned out well. I blame the lighting but admit I need practice.

There’s a picture of him and I floating around somewhere but the one taken with my camera didn’t turn out. At the end of his talk, Bob sang us a tune and I left feeling hopeful for all of our children’s futures.

Our twins’ birthday is coming up and we all somehow agreed to go bowling. That doesn’t happen every year.

They have this glow in the dark bowling if you spring an extra buck or two so we’re going for that. The last time we played it was a blast but my legs were sore. It doesn’t look that strenuous but I guess if you’re not used to using certain muscles you’ll feel it.

Last year we went for laser tag. It was extremely noisy but they had a lot of fun. The lazer place was a little pushy about using a certain type of pizza. I wasn’t thrilled about that since I’m stuck in my ways so defiantly ordered my usual anyway.

One year we went roller skating. I think that was my favorite because it made me feel like a kid again. We should do that as a family again just because.

Birthday Parties at Home

Home parties don’t seem to work out as well the older they get. They’re not any cheaper either by the time you buy all the decorations and food.

One year we had a jungle theme that I had a lot of fun with and the prizes were snakes and spiders and stuff like that. Since they’re boy/girl twins the boys seemed more thrilled with it.

I got the idea from FamilyFun.com (It’s a Jungle Celebration) and you can still check out more of their ideas there if you want. I made this snake cake which they show you how to create. FamilyFun.com has fun printable labels for crazy food and cranberries become dried ants, apple wedges are croc teeth etc.

There’s a heck of a lot of mess to clean up after a party at home which is another downfall. Our place is not that big either so people are falling all over each other trying to squeeze into one room. If it was summer we could have a barbecue or something but it’s kind of cold and slushy right now.

Last Minute Birthday Party Invites

This has happened to me twice with my youngest daughter in the last couple weeks and it drives me crazy. She insists that they said it’s fine and not to get a present because there was so little notice. I wouldn’t feel right sending her off to a party with no present or money so always come up with something.

Once we painted a pretty personalized jewelry box that I was quite proud of that started out as a plain wooden box. I wish I would have taken a picture of it. My camera is broken and today is my birthday so guess what I’m getting? It will be nice to post some of my own pics.

After reading a rant by Sherry at Chaos Therapy, I was deeply disturbed. Girls have enough to worry about growing up without being pushed to wax themselves. Some children haven’t hit puberty and a Brazilian wax was being touted to 10 to 14 year olds?!

Larissa Dubecki wrote about it and this is an actual quote being referenced from another website. (Why 10 is too young for your first Brazilian) “Nobody really likes hair in their private regions and it has a childlike appeal.” I believe the quote has been removed but the fact that it was said at all is disgusting.

It’s a very personal choice that an ADULT would make about whether they want all their hair removed. If some prefer women look like children and that is why they like it, it is a sad world indeed. It has to be a confusing message for girls. Alright, now that you’re beginning to grow up, make yourself look like a kid again.

Apparently, Nair has a hair removal line they promote towards 10 to 15 year olds. What the heck is going on? It’s disturbing that the media has taken it upon themselves to tell girls yet again what to do with their bodies.

What age parents would allow kids to get their ears pierced used to be the big decision (whether they would allow it at all). It was still the parent’s decision though. I cannot wrap my head around how anyone could think it was appropriate to be pushing a kid to remove hair that may not have even grown yet.

The clothes, make up and lifestyle the media promotes to tween girls is bad enough but suggesting hair removal at the age of ten is going way too far.

You know your kids are growing up when they don’t appear to see you. It’s Friday and they all had big plans with their friends. That on its own doesn’t bother me because I’m pleased they’re having a bit of fun and giving me some time alone. It’s the strange bug eyed look that they have when reminded they must do something before going out. As if they have been locked up for years. Stopping to eat seems to be a challenge when friends are waiting in the wings. I remember being like this. Do you? I guess I must have been afraid I was going to miss something.

Other signs your children are growing up:

• They can tell time so you can no longer pretend it’s bed time a half hour earlier.

• They don’t want you to hug them in public or call them cutie or anything with a y on the end.

• They actually notice if their clothes are dirty and/or torn and will bathe without prompting.

My kids have been inquiring about getting cell phones. What’s up with that? Do any of your kids have cell phones? I was surprised at how many younger children do.

Tweens are actually growing up a lot faster than they used to and the media doesn’t help this. It just seems they’re into fashion a lot younger and most of that fashion is not even age appropriate. There’s a lot of controversy over those Bratz dolls too especially since they started selling the baby ones in mini skirts and make-up. What do you think? It seems somewhat scary to me.