Children and Bully-Proofing
I was recently at a meeting, which was promoting non-violence in our neighborhood. While I agree that bullying is not something that should be tolerated, I don’t necessarily agree with how it should be handled. Calling the police when a couple six year olds are fist fighting doesn’t make sense to me, nor is it always possible for them to immediately tell an adult. Besides, neither one of these actions guarantees the bullying will stop.
I have noticed that children lacking in confidence or that other children know will not stand up for themselves are usually picked on more than others. It’s not right but it’s an observation that’s my reality, so telling me that I’m wrong in teaching my kids to defend themselves ticks me off.
Go and tell an adult is fine advice if one happens to be around. What about when there’s not an adult around? Avoiding violence altogether is the best thing to strive for, but what about that nut that wants to hit you for no reason?
I’m not suggesting that children should put themselves in danger, laugh in the face of a gun or knife, and proceed to try to duke it out. In a situation where a bully is harassing a child with words, pokes, shoves etc. its ok to be assertive and say, “I want you to stop that! Or “Leave me alone!” If you’re completely passive, it encourages bullies to victimize you some more.
We can all teach our own children how to resolve conflicts in non-violent ways and come to us or another trusted adult if they are having problems. Equally important is helping them feel good about themselves so that they will act confident and trust their instincts and judgments. Of course, modeling non-violent behavior in our own home is one of the biggest ways we can teach how to resolve conflicts peacefully. Online bullying is becoming a big problem as well so we’ll deal with that some more another day.
Here’s a catchy anti-bullying video called “Bullies are a pain in the brain” courtesy of Trevor from The Trevor Romain Company (Promoting social and emotional fitness for kids)
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