Parenting Under the Stars

Parenting twin tweens can bring it’s own set of difficult challenges and rewards. Individual friends, belongings and talents are important to reduce competition in twins.

When your children are both striving for their independence and heading towards puberty it can become more challenging. It’s important for twins to have their own individuality and separate interests and talents should be praised and encouraged.

• Often one twin will excel in one thing while the other has a weakness in that same area. This is particularly true of fraternal twins, which are from two separate eggs. I have fraternal twins and their personalities are like night and day.

If one seems to be struggling to try to catch up or compete with the other, attempt a diversion into another strength that they do have. Of course this is a sensible approach for any child and not just a twin.

For example, one child might enjoy and excel in something like soccer and baseball, while the other may be more musically inclined and creative. Even if the musically inclined twin doesn’t like sports, they may pressure themselves to try to be as good as the other. If their own talents in art or music are pointed out, praised and encouraged they’re not as likely to feel competitive or left out.

Other twin challenges:

It can be difficult with twin tweens to maintain the same rules for each child. One is sometimes more responsible, so the tendency could be to allow one more privileges or responsibilities. In some instances, this can’t be avoided and separate rules have to be given in fairness to the more responsible child.

Friendships are another challenge, especially if the twins are the same sex. If it gets too vicious then you must intervene, but generally children tend to sort friendships out themselves.

Even if they seem like enemies one day they may all be best friends the next. Parents often forget this when they get too involved with children’s squabbles. Sometimes parents are still feuding long after the children have resolved their issues.

I have witnessed this countless times with parents in our neighborhood. Holding grudges long after children have made up doesn’t make a lot of sense and it’s not showing them a good example about how to resolve conflicts.

This was adapted from an article I wrote for Suite101.