Shame Teen With Stupid Sign to Control Speeding?
Thanks to Operation Bob (A Sign of Good Parenting) I came across this story about a 16 year old teenager who was caught speeding.
Part of his punishment was to wear a sign before and after school that said “I was stupid. I drove over 100mph and got caught. Thank God! I could have killed me and my friends.”(Teenager Shamed into Slowing Down)
He was going 107 mph in a 55mph zone so also had the car taken away. (Good call.) The mother said that more parents should be tougher on their children and her son Adam says he learned his lesson.
- Most of the people who left comments at Operation Bob agree with the mother’s punishment method and have cheered her on but I don’t believe this shame based solution would suit every child. According to the story Adam harbors no hard feelings so it does appear to have been effective.
In another instance though a different teen could have been on a suicide mission and already had low self esteem. Shaming him some more could possibly just send him over the edge so some sort of counseling or therapy would be a wiser choice.
Some might argue that the kid may have died speeding anyway so something drastic had to be done. I agree but don’t believe this particular method would be good for all teenagers. Every child is different but generally, many children will have long term negative effects from shame based discipline/punishment methods.
Using Shame to Control Behavior
The theory is that if you make a child feel bad enough, he will not repeat the behavior. The problem is that put downs and name calling often make a child feel worse so some end up acting out more.
So it’s not simply a matter of figuring out whether the punishment fits the crime but fitting the discipline method to your child’s personality. I know someone who was put down and humilated continuously from the time he was little and told that he was useless and would end up in prison. Guess where he ended up?
What would you do if your teen was caught speeding? Do you have any ideas for healthier alternatives?
March 11th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Hi Sandra. Thanks for checking out my post, it really has taken on a life of it’s own and sparked a lot of interest. That in itself is a good thing, that parents are engaging and looking at how to raise healthy and happy kids.
I just wanted to add that, while I do agree with this mother’s method, in this case, I also agree with you that there isn’t a one-size-fits all in any aspect of parenting.
I agree that a child with low self-esteem or other issues wouldn’t be a candidate for such a thing. My support of this mother’s action is based on my reading several stories about it and seeing several interviews with both mother and son. For them, it works. But it may not be appropriate for everyone.
The child you spoke of being put down and humiliated continuously, that’s a shame and a self-fulfilling prophecy. We indeed have to instill confidence in our kids, and above all show them that we love them.
It would be so much easier if they were just born with instruction manuals
March 11th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Bob, thanks for stopping by! It is a good thing that parents are communicating about how to raise healthy kids.
I hear what you’re saying about it working for them in this case. It has caused a lot of publicity and controversy but I’m not a fan of the sign method. I was not a shining example of a saint as a teen but I think this sort of thing would have messed me up further.
Yeah, wouldn’t a manual be handy? Most of us learn as we go and do the best we can with each individual child we have.